It feels different this time, though. Normally, the relaxation settles over me like a soft blanket while I wait, leaving me almost perfectly content b... the time He allows me to enter his bedroom. The rest of the world falls away and all I am is His within these walls. But this time, I can feel the core of uneasiness wriggling under the blanket. I’m worried, deep down in a place that the trance isn’t touching. I’m frightened that I won’t be able to do what He wants me to do. I try to tell myself. I did have a sort of long term relationship with the 3rd girl but that lasted about 9 months when I was 17. I will tell you about that in a later Diary.On my first night, I was shown the ropes by Tom the head of club security and he told me that 99% of the time it was all fun and 1% of the time it was all out chaos and to always keep my back to the wall. Other then that, there were no rules. Since I was the new one on the team, they put me on charge of carding the local university students. More

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