I'vemade up my mind to get drunk once everyone's gone home - it won't takemuch, considering I've scarcely touched a drop in five months. The alcoholit...elf won't do me any good at all, but the prospect of a reward at theend of the shift has helped me get through the last hour and twentyminutes without biting anyone's head off.Then the rugby lads come in, their training finished for another week.Normally I'd return their suggestive banter with interest; tonight I justlet it wash over me. I know. ...What a fucked up life this is I thought.I had taken my laptop to the states and on it I had photographs of Amanda and I in happier times, some nights my heart would feel heavy at the loss, but I never let it show in my few emails to Amanda, I had been in the states about 5 months when I received a email from Susan saying how worried she was about Amanda it seemed she had lost a lot of weight and was in trouble keeping on top of her job so much so that she had been forced to take some leave. More

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