13. Every day I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.14. How come we choose from just two people to run for pr...sident and 50 for Miss America???15. Having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool.16. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked.17. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.18. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words, "Don't pick that up, you don't know. "No, this is her first time." "How did you get her to do it?" "Well, it's always been a secret fantasy of hers and we're on vacation so I just told her to go for it." That wasn't quite true, but I didn't want to tell her about the teenager in Albuquerque and Paula promising to be my sex slave for two days. "No wonder she was so hot and turned on. You know that she had an orgasm up there, don't you?" "I thought she did, but I wasn't certain. How do you know she did?" The dancer just laughed.. More

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