Yes, you are what, Five-ten? But the rest of you is pure girl.’ ‘Thank you, I think. You are handsome and at least six-one so you should not have ...oo difficult a time finding my replacement.’ ‘It’s frustrating, I had hoped to find someone to go to a concert with me tonight but my gaydar picked today to go boinkers.’ ”What concert?’ ‘The Cranberries.’ ‘I can dress like a guy.’ ‘Are you serious?’ ‘Yes, I love The Cranberries but there were no tickets available by the time I found out they were. My thumb was stuck hovering above the screen; this was a profile I’d never seen before. She had four million followers and she was from my hometown! Next to her username, changeyourlifewithtabitha, was that verified blue tick. Woohoo, a verifiable bimbo! All of the influencers I trolled were usually abroad or from one of the big cities. I actually trembled in excitement at the thought of being able to bring someone back down to Earth that lived so close to home. Wow, imagine I upset her and. More

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