******I feel like some kind of zombie. I'm just going through the motions, notliving at all. I guess it doesn't really matter. I've kinda stoppedtalki...g to God, since He doesn't seem to listen anyway. The other day Iactually screamed at Him, I was so mad. But even that didn't changeanything. Just how long will my torment last?******My knee feels better, which is okay, I guess. I got to thinking aboutwhat happened with my dad and realized it would be pretty selfish of meto kill myself and leave. At the end of the party we returned to our hotel and Mary talked me into stopping at the hotel bar. We took a table near the back and placed our order. We were on our second drink when I was paged for a phone call. I got up and went to the wall phone to take the call and fortunately from where the phone was I could see our table. The call was from one of my most important customers and getting him to sign an agreement was the sole purpose for this trip so there was no way I could just tell him. More

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