As a childI had friends who participated with me in playing out some of these scenarios--I'mwriting about that elsewhere. But now, as an adult, compan...onship in this forbiddenworld was hard to find and I almost never tried to bring anyone else in. Iloved the friends I had, most of whom were involved in relationships, and Icertainly didn't want to alienate any of them by revealing my perverse fantasiesand desires. Maybe I underestimated them. We were almost all politically liberal,smoked dope. I didn’t care, so Scott managed to sell my house. I was staying in one of his extra bedrooms in their modest, well-kept home in L.A. He and Monica tried to keep me involved in things, and I did my best to be courteous and friendly, but mostly I was just existing. I would get up and go to work, then come home and watch TV with them until it was time to go to bed. On my off days I’d help around the house and otherwise just try to keep busy somehow. I wasn’t still thinking about suicide, at least. More

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