The only reason we got together is because I took the initiative. Carl, it turns out, is painfully awkward socially, the shyest exhibitionist I’ve ...ver seen. To say he dates rarely would be a bit generous. The truth is he’s terrified of women, yet desperately wants their attention and their affection. He comes across as narcissistic and sometimes distant, he’s a poor conversationalist, and frankly doesn’t have a lot of interesting things to talk about. As hot as his body is, he doesn’t. I already felt guilty just by my willingness to play along and I felt that if anything really happened I'd have a hard time rationalizing it later. This was Richard's fantasy, not mine, so why was I excited? Why had I let him talk me into it in the first place?And then I understood that this had been my idea too. Coming here, not Club Notorious per se, but just going to a club and finding a white man to have sex with me. I'd suggested it and my earlier plans to shed my guilty skin were gone. I. More

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