Arriving at school I had to figure out pretty soon, that I seem to have some sort of victim-aura. Bottom of the food chain, starting at day one. I gue...s everybody knows those clichés about boarding schools, and most of them are true. Bullys on every corner, teachers not noticing it or not caring about it. While in class everything is very disciplined, but as soon as school is out, that changes drastically. It´s not like I got beat up a lot or something like that, k**s can be mean, but they. It’s precisely this irrational cruelty that I find so sexually stimulating. I will be given an order. I will fail. I will be disciplined. It is, in microcosm, the old religious formula first articulated in Eden. And it is, in slightly altered form, the algebra of human life. We are born under the order to survive indefinitely. We ultimately fail through age and disease. We die. In each session, one might say that I experience, from birth to death, the drama of an entire life. It is the cruelty. More

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