I think though, that I was making excuses. There was a part of me that tried to justify what I was doing and why. Over time though I stopped fooling m...self.If I'm honest with myself, I got into it simply for the attention and to be desired. I'm not being overly critical of myself, just honest, when I say I'm a very plain looking person. Nothing wrong with it, simply the way some of us are. The spots I went to were visited by either gay men or straight/bi men. The gay men of course had no. I’m stunned silent as you pull your hand away. You look and add, “Mattie, you know you want this…well, actually you need it. So just do it for you and for me. If you pause, you might not want this. I understand it’s a big step, but this is what I require to be here this week, so if you don’t do it, I will pack up and head over to my friend’s house for the week.” Then it hits me that you do have friends you’ve told me about that live here and think you might do it. My hand goes to the belt and. More

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