I told him to stop but he didnt and i had this feeling that was so good that i dont no what it was. i just new that i loved it. he told me that i cumm...d but i said that girls dont do that but he said that they do and i just did. i just felt so good that i really wanted to fuck him right then but he said that he wasnt gonna fuck me. i did nt no what to think but he said that i told him i wanted to make love so that was what he wanted to do so i said ok. i guess i started to cry a little bit. The unrelenting thinking and my labyrinthine brain. I oscillate again. I am in a constant dialectic of hating my thoughts and loving them. Pain and pleasure. La douleur exquise. I want more pain, more pleasure. I want to give him every immeasurable psychological inch of me this time, no wavering, no drifting, no volition. The more I give, the less I will be lost. There will be nothing left to adulterate my self-awareness. As for my Master, his responsibility is great, onerous, less enviable.. More

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