It’s an ugly feeling and I can’t help hating Ben for making it happen. He doesn’t call for five days and I can’t remember how long it’s bee... since we hadn’t spoken to each other at least every other day. I stare at the phone and hate it, hate him, hate myself. I do angry housework which pleases my mother to no end. I study but retain nothing I didn’t already know. I try to write and all that comes out is pathetic whining and cliches. I even go out for a run and destroy my knees in the process.. “I’d love to see you again.”Then I realized how forward I sounded, and blushed. But he just smiled.“I was going to say the same thing. Lunch tomorrow?”We met the next day for lunch. And the day after that. And every day that week. It was the polar opposite of my trysts with Misty Sue where I satisfied my bodily hungers and shut off my mind. With Rudolf, I was constantly talking, thinking, analyzing, and commenting. With him, I realized how much I had missed feeding my inner nerd. There was only. More

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