I really don't think she saw me sitting there in the recliner. For some reason, I hadn't even reclined the chair. I was just sitting there in a daze �...remembering. I was still sitting there when James entered the house whistling a tune. His whistling startled me, but it brought me out of my doldrums."Dad, are you okay? Are you sad and missing mom again?" No son. I was just sitting here in the dark reminiscing about my life. I was thinking about what I might need to do to make it worth living. Far from there being any flirtation or wooing here or anything to that effect, it felt like a reaffirmation that we were a family and that we had a relationship outside of two people caught up in the same mess sharing a room. This actually soothed my previous anxieties about having looked at her sleeping body while I masturbated.I was still guilty and disgusted with myself for it, but now it made sense and I could more gently treat it as a lesson. I was lonely, I was frustrated, I needed human. More

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