I was really shocked as I had no idea at stage about gay people or transgenders and pushed him away. We are talking about pre internet and even video'....Threw out my teens I kept thinking about what had happened and would masturbate over the thought of it. I had notice notes put on toilet block walls and sometimes I would go to a "beat" when the shops where open for late night shopping. I was always very nervous and would never stay long and just masturbate in the toilet block then get out.When. Invisibility would be a gift and yet the only thing I wish for lies within the bounds of impossibility.I want to disappear from the life I live and find another, I want to leave all those I know forever. I know myself better than any other and I know that I lack the capacity for truly endearing emotions. I love pain and danger yet I feel incapable of love and innocence. My life is a shadow of anger — I'm drowning in rage and disgust for myself. My entire being is an imposition.Water: an. More

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