” And why am I telling a ‘lot lizard’ this?“I heard that,” she said, though. “I didn’t see a wedding band.”“And you looked?”She lo...ked at me with a vestigial smile. “Of course I looked. I kinda kept track. Why? I dunno. But I did a lot of married dudes.”“I never ‘did’ anybody. Maybe that’s my problem,” I said.“Virgin?” she blurted. “Seriously?”“No, not a virgin. Sadly. The first girl I did it with, I would’ve spent my life with. Or the second. Or the third...”“Ohhhhh, I think I see your problem. She laughed happily at whatever it was. Then he ushered her down the hallway into the bedroom and locked the door behind them. What the French fuck?! I thought to myself. I may be wobbly--okay, I was drunk--but he wasn't going to do this shit right in front of me, for crying the fuck out loud! I would show the both of them. I heaved myself off the couch and headed down the hall toward the bedroom door, but along the way I passed the bathroom. I was momentarily puzzled. I needed to pee, but I. More

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