Ethan...I can’t believe how I acted last night. Let alone all week. I don’t normally drink too much, and from what I remember, I was making an ass...of myself. But now that I’ve been satisfied, I’m almost ashamed of the thoughts I’ve been having. I briefly recall thinking of Ethan at the worst time last night, and shake my head. I let the guilt have it’s run and find solace in the fact that I don’t think my hormones will be a problem any longer. I feel like I can breath a little easier and put. "Nathan's the strongest one on the team," he'd said. "Plows over those quarterbacks like they're nothin'."Me being gay was just a part of the problem. The other part was I didn't want to be a farmer. I guess Mamma was right to keep me home and away from the rest of the world. One can't miss what one doesn't know. Great-granddad, then Granddad, then Daddy had run the farm. Naturally, Daddy expected me to take over one day. At one time, I thought I would, but not anymore. Maybe my being gay would. More

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