I sometimes wish I hadn’t refused, but no good doctor could have accepted the commission. Her body wasn’t up to it, her reasons weren’t sound. S... she had to go to a bad doctor. The next time I saw her, the body that had once been my purest intoxicant had become clownlike. Her breasts were comically large, each dwarfing her head. They weighed so much, she had now to walk leaning backwards to preserve her centre of gravity. They stood off her chest like a windowbox, staying perfectly motionless. I fully turn in the hallway in the direction of the image. I am completely naked in my own house … alone … and I think there is someone here with me. The idea is absurd, certainly a product of the wine and my erotic imaginings and arousal earlier. The light flickers more, the hall intermittently illuminated. The scary thing, though, is that this other person, this man, is somehow intermittent, too, less human figure than a disturbance in the air, a shadow that appears and then fades, a presence. More

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