I had it once before. Then I headed to the disco. As we entered the atmosphere was hot. Everyone was high and dancing. We took a sofa and sat there. I...was looking at the stares of guys. Then suddenly I saw my friend with her husband and 2 more couples. She saw me but was ignoring me. I just started drinking beer. Richi started rubbing my thigh. I was removing his hand. He said its ok everyone is busy. There where couples kissing and feeling each other. As my friend was there I was hesitant.. I know I'm not the most honest person but we have a lifestyle agreement so it’s not fully cheating it’s just rule-bending! My therapist still tells me to write a journal and I have no idea if it helps but I've made some friends here as well. Truthfully, I haven't been myself but I am forty-four now and so maybe it’s an age thing. I don't know if that’s right but I do know I feel the need to do something rougher than usual. There’s not been much free time recently and I need something bad… I. More

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