Jesus. This was a total disaster. Mom continued to stare at me. Then she turned to Sam, her face a little softer.“Sam, did he hurt you? Did he force...you?”Sam, also in tears.“No, Mom. I love him.”Mom looked at Sam some more, then at me. That stare was back. She looked down at the table in front of her. One deep breath in, hold, breath out. Again. A third time.Silence.When Mom finally looked up again, once more at Sam, then at me, she was calmer. The stare was gone and her face had softened, but. We had friends come visit most weekends. I have a problem being alone today as I have all my life. To not be alone sun bathing I would take my top off. Pull the bottom into the smallest I could. In youth my friend Billy got bored, would let him do things to me, me to things to him. All for the company of that person. Billy was a young love of mine. Would have given him my soul, just not leave me alone. Not one night alone for me, I let him in my room most nights, I woke him to get back home. More

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