"Private Hookes, in the army age means fuck all, the thing that counts is the hooks on the arm. In my case there are two, that makes me superior to yo.... DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?"A very subdued reply, "Yes Corporal." Good, righto, lets get to work, has any of you got any cooking experience at all?"Brian Cox spoke up, "Yes Corporal, I was in the scouts and did a bit of basic cooking, nothing fancy but it was edible."The others had done a bit at home but weren't confident enough to tackle a meal on. .. we just flat out tell’ em they’re gonna die... Paddy was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin.The doctor said “Well, you need three things from a do it yourself shop. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint, and a shovel.”“And what do I do with these, doc?”The doctor replied “Before the wedding night, you paint one of your testicles red and the other one blue. That night if she says ‘That’s the strangest pair of balls I ever saw’ you hit her. More

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