The air in the room was as charged as a thunderstorm. Having finished the examination I withdrew the speculum and noticed that you didn’t move your...legs back together or pull your neglige down. ‘So, Doctor, what’s the diagnosis?’, you enquired. ‘Period pains’, I replied, ‘fairly standard, but should be controllable with medication’. ‘Which medication do you advise?’, you asked, looking at me with intense eyes as you subtly stroked the inside of your thigh with one hand. ‘Well, one option. The best ones are young with pliable stems. A shopping bag full is about fine. Take a nettle and brush it against the head of your penis. If you haven't got an erection so far, this should bring one on. It doesn't hurt much, the sensation is rather good in fact. Brush some more nettles against your penis, the shaft as well. Gradually a rash will appear and little bumps. Keep going. The more you do, the greater the numbing effect so the next bit will be easier. Take a handful of nettles and. More

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